[Novalug] apropos current remarks.
knott at civilized.com
Fri Jun 27 22:53:58 EDT 2008
A story from the net.
Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, arguing about the
average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician
claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained
that it was surprisingly high.
"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math
question. If she gets it right, I'll pick up dinner. If not, you do." He
then excused himself to visit the men's room, and the other called the
"When my friend comes back," he told her, "I'm going to ask you a
question, and I want you to respond 'one third x cubed.' There's twenty
bucks in it for you." She agreed.
The cynic returned from the bathroom and called the waitress over. "The
food was wonderful, thank you." The other mathematician said,
"incidentally, do you know what the integral of x squared is?"
The waitress looked pensive; almost pained. She looked around the room,
at her feet, made gurgling noises, and finally said, "Um, one third x
So the cynic paid the check.
The waitress wheeled around, walked a few paces away, looked back at the
two men, and muttered under her breath, "...plus a constant."
EUROPEAN UNION LANGUAGE HARMONISATION
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year
phased plan for what will be known as Euroenglish (Euro, for short).
In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will
be replaced with 'k'. Not only will this klear up konfusion but
typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like
'fotograph' 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgracful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'.
During ze fifze year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaning
'ou' and similar changs vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of
Aftr zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl writen styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer. Ze drem vil vinali kum tru!
I think George Bernard Shaw would approve, and perhaps this undertaking
was reported by the Readers Digest some time ago.
- extracted from "amusements" at www.civilized.com
| Spoken: Gary D. Knott Email: knott at civilized.com |
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